I’m not an expert on suffering (you’re looking for this guy), but I do know that life is downright bitter sometimes. I’m just a blogger that is here to say you are noticed. You are loved. You are wanted. You matter.
I know some of you out there are dealing with unimaginable pain. Remember that the more we spend time with someone, the more we start to resemble them. The more we suffer through the trials in prayer and give it all to Jesus, the more we become like Him.
This letter is for you. It’s an excerpt from one of my favorite books, Come Be My Light and written by Bl. Mother Teresa.
In the darkness …
Lord, my God, who am I that You should forsake me? … I call, I cling, I want – and there is no One to answer – no One on Whom I can cling – no, No One. -Alone.
The darkness is so dark -and I am alone. -Unwanted, forsaken.- The loneliness of the heart that wants love is unbearable.- Where is my faith?- Even deep down, right in, there is nothing but emptiness & darkness. – My God – how painful is this unknown pain. It pains without ceasing. – I have no faith. – I dare not utter the words & thoughts that crowd my heart – & make me suffer untold agony.
So many unanswered questions live within me – I am afraid to uncover them … – Trust that all will end in Heaven with Jesus. – When I try to raise my thoughts to heaven – there is such convicting emptiness that those very thoughts return like sharp knives & hurt my very soul. – Love – the word -it brings nothing. – I am told God loves me – and yet the reality of darkness & coldness & emptiness is so great that nothing touches my soul.
Before the work started – there was so much union – love -faith -trust -prayer -sacrifice. – Did I make the mistake in surrendering blindly to the call of the Sacred Heart? The work is not a doubt – because I am convinced that it is His not mine – I don’t feel – not even a single simple thought or temptation enters my heart to claim anything in the work…my cheerfulness is the cloak by which I cover the emptiness & misery.
In spite of all – this darkness & emptiness is not as painful as the longing for God. – The contradiction I fear will unbalance me. – What are You doing God to one so small? When You asked to imprint Your Passion on my heart – is this the answer?
If this brings You glory, if You get a drop of joy from this – if souls are brought to You – if my suffering satiates Your Thirst – here I am Lord, with joy I accept all to the end of my life – & I will smile at Your Hidden Face – always.
All will be well, weary traveler. Heaven awaits someday, don’t give up now.
Note: The format includes dashes as in the original work. Some text is taken out for length and just includes the parts that really impacted me. I highly encourage buying the book for the full text and to go more in depth with the heart of Mother Teresa and her work and sufferings.